When you think of having a baby closed in the freezer

“When you become a mom, you don’t just change your priorities. Your whole perception of the world, your body and your role in society – all this gets a new form, ”in a podcast On the edge says mag. psychology Iris forehead.

Western societies are structured so that a woman often remains alone after childbirth, without the necessary support. Usually, after 14 days of maternity leave, a man goes back to work, leading to the loneliness of a mother who is left alone with the baby and without the opportunity to talk to an adult.

“This isolation increases stress as mothers have no opportunity to share their feelings or experiences. Although online groups and forums are available, where mothers share advice and experience, emotional loneliness remains a great challenge, as it often seems that there is no room for expressing problems such as boredom or feelings of helplessness. « 

Parents work to the best of their ability

There are also often unrealistic expectations about motherhood that causes additional distress. Idealizing childbirth and motherhood in society often leads to pressure on mothers that they have to do everything « right », either in breastfeeding or in childbirth. Women who do not meet these expectations – for example, those who have to give birth with a cesarean section or do not establish breastfeeding – may feel less capable or unsuccessful, the interviewee explains. Increased attention to children’s milestones, such as the first steps or words, is still increasing pressure, as everything seems related to the expectations that everything must be perfect.

These problems – loneliness, pressure, idealation of motherhood – are the key causes of increasing number of examples of postpartum depression and frustration in mothers, said the interviewee.

Maternity also often brings a reflection of one’s childhood. Many women, when she first holds her baby in the hands of her baby, suddenly really feels what she missed, what she didn’t get. This can trigger anger, disappointment with their own parents. But as the interviewee says, this is an important part of the process: “Therapy is not a resolution in the sense that we will end up angry – but the opposite. That we understand that our parents worked their best. « 

She also pointed to the social pressures that women experience after childbirth. “When you come for an interview for a job and have young children, this is still a stigma. If you don’t have them, they ask if you plan to have them. In both cases you are a ‘problem’. « 

Physical changes that are otherwise talked about, on the other hand, often obscure something much more fascinating – changes in the brain. ““ “Mumabrain – often has a negative connotation. Forgetfulness. But in reality it is an outstanding transformation of the brain that becomes more effective to care for the baby. This is an evolutionary gift. « 

Moms in the West left to herself

In the postpartum period – a time when a woman is supposed to be of greatest care, she is often left to herself. “In our country, we still have to recover, lose weight as soon as possible, start going to fitness again. But in reality, this is a period when women should rest. In the east, mothers settle in centers where they cook, massage them, advise and listen to them for a month. Why don’t we do that too? « 

At the initiative of the interlocutors, they began to organize postpartum vacations in Slovenia – shorter withdrawals, where they offer mothers psychological, physical and emotional support. With this experience, they want to change the mindset that a woman should immediately re -activate after childbirth. “There is nothing wrong with the mother watching Netflix when the baby is sleeping. It is wrong to have bad conscience because of this. « 

These are already very large in the postpartum, as well as ambivalence. This is a feeling that many mothers do not dare admit, let alone say – a mixture of love, fatigue, anger, anxiety, joy and a sense of captivity. “The ambivalence is really experienced by every woman after childbirth. These are thoughts that society still stigmatizes. If you think of ‘silencing a baby’ or closing him in the freezer – you do not do it, of course. But these thoughts come. And when they come, the woman is overwhelmed by the terrible fault, « explains the interviewee.

Instead of support, there is often an internal pressure that he or she should give the child more attention – which leads to hyperactivity, congestion and burnout. “You have to say: I’m angry. And why am I angry? Because I do not meet my needs – after rest, in peace, by time for myself. But society still labels it as selfishness. But in reality, this is responsibility. A mom who takes time for herself will come home with a clearer head. And will be more calm. « 

Ambivalence can also be a symptom of more severe forms of postpartum distress. Iris points out that in some cases he goes into postpartum depression or anxiety – when the mother begins to move away from the baby, even afraid to touch him because she is afraid to hurt him. “This is happening too. And it must be talked about. No stigma. Without fear. «