US: « If I need company I help in dog shelter »

After a few relationships that disappointed her and dozens of frustrating first appointments, Andrea Vorlicek recently canceled the search spouse and the idea of ​​a marriage.

The 29 -year -old always thought she would have found her life partner so far. Instead, she is looking for a home on her own and is thinking of having children on her own.

« I am financially enough to do these things on my own, » said Vorlicek, a Boston -based accountant. « I am willing to accept the fact that I am alone, instead of compromising with someone who doesn’t suit me. »

The Americans had never resigned so much from the idea of ​​marriage. They respond to major demographic changes, including huge and increasing sex differences in terms of economic and educational levels, political positioning and beliefs about what a family should look like.

How the idea of ​​marriage changes in their minds

« The numbers are not offset, » said Daniel Cox, director of the American Enterprise Institute (AEI), a conservative thought tank. He listed the data points: More women than men attend college, buy homes and focus on their friendships and careers instead of appointments and wedding.

The stories of women who are complaining about the lack of quality men have long infused pop culture – from « pride and prejudice » to Taylor Swift. However, women throughout history rarely questioned whether finding and securing an erotic partner should be a primary goal of adulthood.

This seems to change. Over half single women said they believe they are happier than their married colleagues in a 2024 study in 5,837 adults, according to Wall Street Journal. A little more than one -third of the single men involved in the survey said the same.

A 2022 survey in single adults showed that only 34% of single women were looking for romance, compared to 54% of single men, from 38% and 61% in 2019. Men were also more likely than women to say that no one would want to go with them.

Increasing income power and reducing the social stigma of work life has allowed more women to be selective. « They prefer to be alone than with a man holding them back, » Cox said.

Research shows EP? Ishw decrease in adolescent relationships and the generation Z has less sex than previous generations, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

In decline the wedding rates

The percentage of women aged 18 to 40 years old who are single – that is, they are neither married nor co -ordinated with a partner – is 51.4% in 2023, from 41.8% in 2000.

These numbers do not specify whether women seek love or swear it, but more up -to -date studies show that single women seem to be less interested in getting married now than before. It also seems to be less willing to marry than their male colleagues.

In a 2023 Pew Research Center survey in 5,073 adults in the US, 48% of women said marriage is not too important for a complete life, compared to 39% of men -from 31% and 28% in 2019.

In a poll by the Wall Street Journal/Norc in 2024, 58% of women aged 18 to 29 said marriage was at least a bit important for their vision of the American dream, compared to 66% of men.

Wedding rates for both men and women are in decline, partly due to the lower pressure to create a couple and higher expectations for an aspiring partner.

« Getting to know people make people feel that there can always be a better choice, » said Melissa Kearney, an economist at the University of Maryland.

« They see the search for a partner for a marriage in the same way that you see the search for a job candidate. »

More satisfied with their choices men

But men look more satisfied than their choices than women. A 2023 AEI survey in women with university education found that half of them have accused their work life to a large extent in their inability to find someone who responds to their expectations. Less than a quarter of single men said the same.

« To the extent that some women remain single because they want it, that’s wonderful, » Kearney said. « But we have to take seriously the possibility that many do it as a B plan because they do not find what they are looking for, and that should be concerned. »

‘Boys by Christmas’

Last year, Michele Kirsch told her three adult daughters that she wanted to have « boys by Christmas ». He had a dream, he had told them, that each of them was standing in front of the enlightened tree next to « a guy who liked skiing and going to a good school ».

This dream remained unfulfilled, admitted by Katie Kirsch, who is 30 years old and runs Lume, a startup of New York leadership training company. « Maybe we are wrong. »

Katie spent the first half of 2024 going to three or four appointments a week with men he met on applications on the internet, hoping to find a wife before closing 30. By the end of the year, she had reduced the search, describing it as « the only thing you can do there. »

Many of the men who met Katie, as she said, were either repelled by her ambition or were not enough to be oriented at her career.

She felt frustrated by how many of her male friends liked that they were waiting for their future wives to prioritize their family over their job.

However, Katie’s fate can change. Recently she began to come out with a man she made with her and who seems to be interested in family creation and supporting her career. He admitted that at first it was skeptical: « I thought it was too good to be true. »

« If I need company, I volunteer at the dog shelter »

For Christina Ralsin, a 31 -year -old wildlife firefighter in Washington’s rural Republic, who did not go to college, buying a home was the confirmation that no partner was needed to be satisfied. Paid $ 90,000 for a two -bedroom apartment in half acre of land in 2022.

« I’ll repay it over the next two years, so I don’t feel I have to be financially tied to someone, » Ralstin said.

After the end of her last relationship in 2023 – when she discovered that she was still in Tinder – she doubts that she would find someone else to align with her progressive views in her conservative city. So he stopped looking.

« If I need companionship, I volunteer at the dog shelter, » he says.

Economists say married couples are more likely to have assets such as homes and cars whose value has increased faster than salaries in recent years

Singlemen in the big cities where housing prices have been launched in recent years have found that their marital status has made their finances difficult.

Although the gap of wealth between single men and women seems to shrink, real estate prices have helped double the gap between single and couples from 2010 to 2022.

Married couples had $ 393,000 in average wealth in 2022, according to St. Louis federal bank, while the unmarried, including those who had a partner but not married, had $ 80,000.

Different worldviews

For Alicia Jones, having no one else to depend on financially – or sharing the rent – is the worst part of being free.

« Especially with the threat of redundancies, it is much more stressful to be on your own, » said Jones, who is 38 years old and working in communications for a real estate company in Washington.

Her last long relationship ended two years ago due to conflicting views for their common future. « He wanted the white fence and me home with the kids, » Jones said. This despite the fact that her salary was almost 50% higher than his own.

Jones, who identifies himself as politically moderate, believes that couples with children should equally share the responsibilities of household and child care.

She was surprised by how few men she met in Washington shared this view. Whether they had traditional wedding ideas or « they were extremely liberal and wanted to live in a van and cross the country by car. »

Before retiring from appointments last year, Jones tried her luck at an event for bachelors. She left with three numbers – all belonged to women who became girlfriends who now meet for a drink or dinner many times a month.

The men at the event, agreed by the four women, seemed more interested in board beer games than people in the room, so they spent the night knowing each other.

The growing political gap between men and women has exacerbated the challenges of finding love. About 39% of women aged 18 to 29 are described as liberal in 2024, according to 25% of their men’s peers. This gap has overflowed over a decade: 32% of women and 28% of men called themselves liberals in 2014.

These differences are not merely about preferences or votes, explains Denver University Professor Galena Rhoades, who is researching romantic relationships. On the contrary, politics has become an expression of one’s « core » values ​​for everything, from economic inequality to physical autonomy. « They reflect people’s worldviews, » Rhoades said.

Trump election made things worse

The last presidential election and the first months of Trump’s government have intensified this ideological gap.

Rachael Gosetti, a 33 -year -old real estate agent in the Savannah of the Gallery’s State, said she broke up with her boyfriend, with whom she has a 5 -year -old son a year ago, because she was tired of doing most of her care, cooking and planning, while working.

He has not yet come out with anyone else in part because he is worried about the … ban on abortions.

« I have a child that I can’t leave behind to lead to Virginia if I had a concern about pregnancy and I certainly can’t afford another child as a single mother, » she said.

Rachael Gosetti left her boyfriend for being tired of being all the responsibilities of the home and child.

They make a child alone

Tina Noohi, who is 34 years old and works for a startup company in the health sector, still hopes that one day life will be dragged.

But she says she’s spent much of the last year trying to persuade herself to forget her fantasies of a romantic happy ending.

Realizing that she was in a hurry in fear of fear of exhausting her biological clock – and that her favorite part of her appointments had been briefed with her girlfriends the next day – she decided to separate her desire to find her mom’s desire to become a mom.

Noohi, who shares her time between New York and San Diego, lately spends hours researching the « Single Mothers by Choice » movement and began saving for a baby with a high performance savings account. « Parenting and romantic love does not need to be inextricably linked, » he said.

The only obstacle: To persuade her traditional family to agree.