‘They offered me sex services because I am a woman with disabilities’ – BBC News in Serbian
Holly was only 16 when someone asked her if she could have sexual intercourse because he was disabled.
It has been placed many other questions for years, for example whether it « can have rough sex » or whether the relationship must be in a wheelchair.
« People think they make you a favor, almost sacrifices.
« The worst is that I’m not surprised or offended anymore. »
Holi, which now has 26 years old, has chronic disabilities and a number of people with disabilities that publicly oppose negative stereotypes and stigmas in terms of fun and partner bonds of people with disabilities.
Holi Grader says it is important to promote happy relationships of people with disabilities.
With the current wife, James began to entertain in teenage days, together for nine years, and they married earlier this year.
« In the media, it often presents people with disabilities have miserable lives, we are just a sad story, » she says.
He adds that she always felt James’ support, but that other people show the ingrained prejudice.
« When we started living together, people told me that he would leave me if my health is getting worse.
« Because I’m a burden or has too much obligations around me, » he adds.
He says that there were various speculation and assumptions about her condition, and that her individuals were told in her face.
« When it comes to people in wheelchairs, the question that always puts it first is, can they have sex? »
He says that her boys at her class at school asked personal issues that brought in her privacy.
« They asked me things like, can you only have sex in a wheelchair? Should you disjoint your wrists?
« If I wanted to have a rough sex with you, could you too? »
Holi says that people also send sexy messages on social networks, the goal of which is often to feel « lucky » to get such offers.
Holies would like the media to give the positive representations of people with disabilities more, stating that the character of Isaka Gudvina in British television series sexual education is the only good example of the last time he knows.
Nikola Tomas, 38-year-old Corfilion City in Wales who is blind says that « one of the questions people often ask is how it has sexual intercourse?
« It takes a little to be extraordinary from such a question, because it touches so deeply in the intimacy. »
Nikola has a Demic’s disease (Optical neuromialitis), an autoimmune disease characterized by acute inflammation of the optical nerve and spinal cord, and vision at one eye lost 15 years ago, and on the other five years ago.
« Many believe that blind people cannot do many things, and I must be one of those who refutes that. »
Nikolini hobbies are sailing, rowing and travel, and her next destination is Hong Kong.
Nikola had a boyfriend when she lost her eyesight, but they broke up.
« They treated me like a cargo, people told him that he couldn’t be my carer, but Nii needed a caregiver. »
It now has a boyfriend who is also weak.
« Although we are both blind, we move around the city and go to our meetings ourselves. Nothing stops us. »
Nikola says that when people show interest in it, they manifest the prejudice.
« People send messages on social networks asking us to go out for a meeting, and when I tell them that I am blind to lose interest or behave differently. »
« They definitely act like they make you a favor, and because of that instantly you lose interest.
« People are generalizing us, and I want to break that stereotype, because I have a fulfilled and happy life, » he adds.
Ket Votkins says people with disabilities have the right to explore their sexual identity and develop relationships like everyone else.
It works on a project approach for disability Wales, the Association of Organizations of People with Disabilities, which is fighting for rights, equality and independent living people with disabilities in Wales.
« Why are the sex and connections of people with disabilities so much taboo?
« We can do much more than just eating and we have a roof over my head. »
« Living your life and enjoy yourself is just a part of life, and this is insufficient to stand out for people with disabilities. »
Ket says sending certain messages to women with disabilities « unfortunately became normal ».
He says that sex toys and erotic aids and accessories for people with disabilities can contribute to self-confidence and to love them more on adult sites and in sex shops.
« You have to feel comfortable in your skin and understand your body so you can tell others as it works.
« It is also very important that you love yourself. »
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