There is a whim and whim. How to intervene to calm children

The 18 months are the crucial age of children: at this stage they begin to affirm themselves, the language is wider, they manage to stand and walk. They try to be independent and to « get away » and at this moment they come across the limits that the parents have placed and therefore the small frustrations that trigger the whims have arisen.
Screams, bites, kicks and tears very often are due to reasons that are not expressed. The cause can be the anger of not being able to do something and this causes frustration and great disappointments.
The role of the adult is to be able to recode the child’s behavior in empathetic form, without losing the calm and nervous, but must help him express and communicate his needs and also what disturbs him and creates him discomfort. Children use whims to communicate a need for help and attentionbut they also use them to report fear or struggle to bear the rules given by adults. Often the reactions appear exaggerated and for no reason, but are always characterized by very intense emotions that are sometimes real crises of anger.

No, too many no

« The discovery of » no « is an important evolutionary moment of the child’s functionality – he explains Manuela Trinci, psychotherapist of the evolutionary age and scientific contact person Ludobiblio, IRCCS Pediatric Hospital Meyer, Florence – i « No » exist, but be careful not to say too many and above all they must be motivated. It is necessary to establish the rules and define a perimeter of what can be done and beyond which it is not possible to go, they must be explained with patience and examples that the child is able to understand. When the adult denies something without having given the reason the child does not understand and remains disoriented. It is an important period in which the little one explores and looks for his space and often happens that he cannot do what he wants to do. It happens to everyone that the child tries to put his fingers in the electrical outlet or want to climb a piece of furniture, Parents must take all the time necessary to explain to him calmly because he cannot do it. Dedicating attention is an important way to help children grow. Squeezing without giving motivation is useless and counterproductive, the baby needs to be accompanied and the attachment figure must be solid and credible ».

Avoid whims is possible

The first step can be that of organize moments that can help to limit children’s requestsI am in an exploratory phase in which the meaning of possession of the games is also inserted, but also of the mother who cannot be shared with their dad or brother or sister in their eyes. THE children tire easily If they get stuck that they don’t want to walk to decide together to stop a moment to rest and then resume. In case I do the tantrums because he wants to continue playing with friends to explain to him that it is time to go home because maybe there is the dad or mom who await him at home.

Reassure to manage the whim

«It is important to spend quality time with the little ones who find themselves living a phase of emotional disregulation – informs the expert – When a whim breaks out you have to find a way to stop and reassure it. The causes that trigger him are the most varied: the friend has taken a game that he believes it is his and then the strategy is to welcome him in his arms, talk to him, reassure him and make him understand that you understand him, these are positive attitudes that he manages to understand. Never tell the child who does not have time or trying to remove him because this will exactly get the opposite result. Sometimes it is enough to distract it offering him different games, the colors with which to draw and say even yes at the feet in the puddle! The « Messy Play ”is the sensory game that encourages to explore and experiment with your hands Using materials such as colors, clay, mud or simply water and natural elements. When you understand that she has to vent her anger because she cannot do something she can be useful to give him a pillow to bite and throw on the ground. In a short time everything returns normal ».

The child needs help and not to be scoldedmust not be afraid of the parent or the adult who takes care of it, but it is instead important that he feels safe and to be able to ask for help when he is in difficulty. « Once the whim has ended and the child calmed down – continues Trinci – it is important to return to the event and help the child » reread « emotions and help him find a different way of managing emotions ».

Growing is an obstacle course

The growth path of every child it is never linearbut to characterize it are continuous advancements and regressions. Any difficulty, even as small as a quarrel between friends, can seem to take a step back to the baby. “It is essential that The parents, the grandparents and those who take care of it give him the feeling of feeling understood even in these moments, – concludes the expert – giving him the idea that « he can do it », showing patience during the crises of crying and those, even more delicate, of the hyperacting when you really cannot distract it « .