Sex in old age: four typical problems – and how to solve them

Skin on skin, be as close as possible, feel your own and the other body. That is as beautiful at the age of 75 as at the age of 25.

But what many older people also know: sex life with the loved one is no longer the same as before. Maybe it even fell asleep, although the need for intimacy it is far from. Perhaps frustration has also replaced the lust: the body can no longer afford in bed, which used to be easy – this knowledge hurts.

Then sex belongs to the past, the chapter is through? No! Even in old age, it is worth tackling the topic if you want it. Andrea Micus, who wrote a book on the subject, also encourages this (« Sex Ü60: This is how you keep lust and love »). « Older people often have the advantage that they have time not to be distracted by children, jobs and other things. You can experiment completely again, » she says.

But where can couples start? Four typical problems – and how couples they can solve:

Problem 1: I feel uncomfortable in my body

The problem: Shame kills the lust: When your own body is visible and noticeably old, many have a hard time to feel comfortable in your own skin. That another person can find this body hot? Unimaginable, finds your own brain. The picture that many films and series convey about sex does its rest. « We think of young, slim, smooth body, » says Andrea Micus.

This is how it can be solved: Even if it is easier said than done: it is worthwhile to let go of these socially shaped pictures of attractiveness and work with what is there. « We have to get involved in a real picture. »

What a start can be: pay attention to the body, maintain it well. « When I feel comfortable in my body, make it up, I approach sex with a different self -confidence, » says Andrea Micus. « When you see couples who pay attention to each other, they are probably also more affected. »

Where exactly you can start is individual: bring more movement to life to maybe lose one or the other kilogram. Treat yourself to a manicure or just prettify yourself, although there is no reason for it.

Problem 2: Sex does not work as before

The problem: Penis in vagina: Without this act of penetration, it is not a « real » sex. This is an assumption that is stuck in many heads – and that can fall on the feet in particular.

After all, every third man over the age of 60 is affected by an erectile dysfunction, according to Munich Clinic. Means: the erection is not enough for sex or the penis does not stay stiff long enough – over a period of six months in more than two thirds of the cases.

In addition, hormonal changes are poorly supplied with hormonal changes in the genital area in many older women – the vagina is drier. This can make penetration uncomfortable for you. There may also be pain during sex as a result of ops on the abdomen, says Micus.

Not to mention other physical restrictions that are noticeable in bed: the painful hip that makes certain positions impossible, or the pre -contaminated heart that is worried about.

This is how it can be solved: After all, some organic problems can be tackled. So-called PDE-5 inhibitors such as Tadalafil or Sildenafil can ensure more stable erection as sexual enhancers. In the case of a dry vagina, lubricant or special creams ensure that everything slips better.

With everything that cannot be changed, only one thing helps: acceptance. « He can say: » I don’t get any anymore! « , She can say » I had a knee surgery, sex doesn’t work anymore, « says Andrea Micus. « Or you accept it as a reality and make something out of it. There are so many varieties. »

For her book, she was in exchange with many older couples and therefore knows that couples accept the restrictions that the bodies specify, often burst of the knot. An important step for this: « You have to break away from penetrative sex, » says Andrea Micus. After all, there are so many other things that also feel very, very good: smooching, cuddling naked, exploring gentle massages, your own and the other body. Communication, which feels good, is the key here: « All of this can only be done with openness and understanding for each other, » says Andrea Micus.

Problem 3: In our relationship the oven is over

The problem: The last time is in bed, you can hardly remember the last time. Not uncommon in long -term relationships: « After 40, 50 years of marriage, the partner is no longer necessarily the preferred sex object, » says Andrea Micus. After all, you know the other body inside and by heart, new and exciting.

This is how it can be solved: Let yourself be inspired by couples who are fresh together. « They focus on the partnership, » says Micus. However, this focus is happy to be lost in decades of relationships. « You got children and grandchildren, you had stressful years in the job – there was not much space for the relationship, » says Micus.

Time to get back: Andrea Micus advises you to rely on shared experiences. They strengthen the connection as a couple again and can therefore give an impulse to get closer to physically. Whether it is the short trip to the mountains, the special dinner or the hotel room that you rent in your own city for one night.

But what if one of the two withdraws sexually? « My wife no longer wants sex »: Andrea Micus has met this statement again and again when researching her book. Here it is worth an honest research: « It is often not because the woman generally does not want sex, but that she finds sex with this man boring. Many men have never taken care that the woman has anything of it. » But that can also be changed in old age – with open communication of your own wishes.

Problem 4: Sex is a taboo topic with us

The problem: One does not talk about sex: if you are 70 years and older, you may have gone through life with this belief – and may have given away a lot of potential for really good sex. « Women in particular have never learned to express wishes and needs openly, » says Andrea Micus. If you want to get your sex life going in old age, you can’t get around it.

This is how it can be solved: Even if it feels like a bungee jump at first: it is worth looking for the open conversation about sex with the loved one. Andrea Micus advises: Free that sex is no longer a taboo topic as before. Talking about your own pleasure has become more normal and certainly nothing for which you have to be ashamed.

Such a conversation needs a suitable framework – there is not the right one between the door and fishing rod, says Andrea Micus. A start can be to collect in peace for yourself what you have always wanted in bed (or where you can have fun). Connected eyes? Touch yourself while the other is watching? Try a sex toy?

Wishes may appear that have been there for decades but have never been lived out. « Maybe you didn’t dare, maybe the first man didn’t want that back then, but now you are married to whom differently, » says Micus. Anyone who has sorted for themselves in peace, what he or she wants, can go into conversation well – and in the best case will be rewarded with unexpectedly good sex.