Returning after maternity leave is more difficult than we often say out loud. « When will I become myself again? »

After having had four children, Pauline Bijster (42) thought of the fifth: now I can do it. Her four children (now between 9 and 18 years old) came from different partners, in different phases of her life. The agreement was that the first year and a half after the birth it was always ‘pretty tough’, says Bijster.

« The maternity period at home was still okay, but I found working again and again difficult. Physically and mentally. For example, I had a lot of pain in my lower back so I couldn’t sit on a desk chair, had sweat attacks and had energy tips due to a fiercely fluctuating sugar level. In addition, I was forgetful and I just thought I didn’t feel like it anymore. I myself again? ”

She assumed that it was due to her personal circumstances. « I was perhaps too young among the first two. It was my relationship or my condition. And otherwise my self-employed work. »

But when the fifth really had everything in order – nice relationship, permanent job, top fit, enough child experience – she was again overwhelmed by a cocktail of lack of sleep, gloomy thoughts and physical malaise, who lasted two years. With that tender voice every time: you wanted this for yourself, there are also beautiful moments, do not adjust. « This time I recognized it and thought: now I’m going to seek help. »

With a background as a journalist, such a search quickly becomes a book. And in the end the book changed a personal search into a social mission. Because after conversations with more than thirty scientists, doctors and other healthcare professionals on this subject, the recovery of the woman after the birth is much more radical for body and mind than we often accept. Moreover, that postpartum period (after delivery) takes longer than the six weeks that are officially in the medical definition. Women notice the effects for up to one or two years later. And, according to Bijster, there is far too little attention for that.

Her book has the title A new life And punishes a wide range of subjects about body and mind after the birth. Going back to work is one of the themes.

Where do women returning to work after their maternity leave?

Half finds working hard

“One of the studies that I quote in my book shows that half of the mothers find it hard to return to work. And also that 43 percent of them do not dare to speak out about it. The biggest setbacks are the physical and mental complaints. These are the total package of physical complaints, plus what all arises from sleeping, hormoon. That had to be a new glasses because her strength had changed because of the hormones!

What effect does that effect in how they do their work?

« One aspect is that it takes up to two years for the brain to be back in its original state. The volume of the part of the Hippocampus that learns memory and new things, decreases at your pregnancy and is only back to the old level two years later. At the same time, the brain area where empathy and empathy is sometimes arranged. I often hear that they have the feeling of ‘standing’ all the time and seems to live for everyone, except for themselves.  »

How long do these effects remain noticeable?

« That changes per woman, but often a year, although it can also take up to two years. According to Parents Inc., an organization in the field of work and parenthood, 33 percent of women are falling after the leave. But the founder I spoke to for this book, said she also knows companies where it is 50 percent. That dropout is not always recognized as zero. »

Because the general idea is that as a woman you are the old one again after your maternity leave?

« Exactly. That idea have women themselves too. They think: I have already been difficult for the organization for which I am working by getting pregnant at all, I am no longer allowed to ring the bell. But many women are still struggling with everything after their leave. You would say. The depression figures are highest, the most of the time you are at three months after seven months.”

Don’t Dutch employers do much for ‘new parents’, with all (paid) leave and care schemes?

“The leave arrangements are getting better, but we are still lagging behind many other European countries. And the facilities are not always there either; only a small part of the companies has their pumping space in order. All in all, you are dependent on a manager or someone at HR who happens to be an eye for it. While a company that offers good facilities for the Paypartum woman, prevents failure in the long term. women in organizations. ”

Is a longer parental leave the solution for this?

« For some women it would help, although I also know enough who would really like to get back to work after their leave. In general, the best solution would be that we can say out loud that the year after your birth will come through a hell or a job is. You can then look with your employer what works for you. A coach in my book says that after your leave you should integrate such as after a burnout: start quietly, short days and then occasionally a conversation with a manager to check how it goes and what you need.

« Incidentally, I argue for a longer and fully paid parental leave for partners, also the self -employed. So that the care for the child can be distributed more fairly from the start. »

What about the man in the period after the birth of the child?

“I also widely a chapter, because things are also changing for the father. They can experience hormone changes if they are actively involved in the care of the baby. They also suffer from the lack of sleep and can get depressive feelings; especially if the woman is having a hard time, or the baby is sick for example. But the total package is less large after the woman’s sleep, for example. Men is that thirteen minutes.

What can employers do to better deal with the postpartum woman?

« I immediately have to think about what many managers say when a woman comes back from leave. Namely: » How nice that you are back! We missed you enormously, because it is very busy.  » And then putting such a whole package on your desk. I would argue for an alternative script.

What else are points for improvement?

“In any case, the basic facilities of a good flask and a good resting room must be in order. I did not know this either, but it was stated by law that a woman can pump during working hours during the first nine months after the birth, to be paid up to a quarter of the working time. With an eight -hour working day that is therefore two hours of practice. Furthermore, every woman has to make a right to extra pauze and resting time here. It simply does not work – a teacher cannot just leave the class for an hour – but sometimes also because women do not know if the taboo is too big to ask for it. ”

What is the biggest misunderstanding about that postpartum period?

« Well, its existence at all. There is not even a word for it! Yes, Post Partum is a familiar concept for the experts, but not in the ordinary human world. In addition, there is little attention for scientific research or health insurers. The debate is going to get going, but I also get a lot of reaction: » Joh, it is about?  » I think it is also difficult to imagine how intense it is if you have not experienced it yourself, but in the meantime I am activist enough to open my mouth over it. ”

Prior to this interview you said that it was happy that a newspaper also picks up this topic, and not just the pregnancy magazines.

« Yes, I don’t want this subject to end up in the ‘mother booth’, because this is a social problem. It is everyone. Mothers are the teacher at your children’s school, your doctor, the presenter you see on TV. We all have to work on a different system for them and everyone can contribute to that. »

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