Not by swiping, but with short dates and games, these singles try to find their true love

Assemble an Ikea cabinet during a first date. When Speldate event started tortling in October last year, it was one of the games, says co-organizer Marjon van Blooijs. « We just canceled that at some point, it became a bit tricky logistics. But that cupboard also fell apart. »

During tortments, 42 bachelors try to find love per evening. It is an initiative of Abderrahman (‘Ab’) El Fellah, who spontaneously came up with the idea. « A date feels a bit like a job interview, here we try to make something nicer out of it. »

Tortling works as follows: every evening there are 42 people who are going to date. Tonight 21 women and 21 men – but there are also evenings for gays and lesbians. They have seven dates of nine minutes together. They can also speak to the people with whom they do not date after the evening, during drinks. The games are meant to get to know each other in a light -hearted way. For example, they have to furnish their ideal living room together. Are they going for a blue or yellow couch? Pets? Plant?

El Fellah started in Utrecht, and now also organizes evenings in Eindhoven and Rotterdam. And if it is up to him, they will soon be active in all major cities in the Netherlands.

Because people His swipemoe. Dating apps have fewer and fewer paying users and especially the younger generation drops out, according to polls from Research agencies Statista. Singles are increasingly in the need to ‘want to meet their love’ in real life ‘.

<figure aria-labelledby="figcaption-1" class="figure" data-captionposition="icon" data-description="Tijdens een van de rondes kunnen dates hun Ideal living room Set together. Photo Dieuwertje Bravenboer « Data-figure ID = » 1 « Data variant = » grid « ><img alt=""Data description =" During one of the rounds, dates can Ideal living room Set together. Photo Dieuwertje Bravenboer « Data-open-in-lightbox = » True  » https://images.nrc.nl//5ngutkdmeiputzwz5-cwb9zBtlo=/1280x/smart/s3/static.nrc.nl/wp-certent/uploads/2025/06/091411278570784 SRC-Medium = « https://s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/static.nrc.nl/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/09141127/data133257078-bb58.jpg » Decoding = « asyncing = »  » https https://images.nrc.nl/i4pbjykmmx9tmp1vhpfawytffu=/320x/filters 320W, https://images.nrc.nl/zkkmbsmohgpmoRr9dvCt7ia3oe=/640x/filters 640W, https://images.nrc.nl/uctlsrjgw6iya_fmj0mkr5zbhy8=/1280x/filters 1280W, https://images.nrc.nl/apeb-knu27AQVC43WAIXU13WLLE=/1920X/Filters 1920W « />

During the rounds, dates can The Tortel game play (left) or their Ideal living room Set up with each other (right).

Photo Dieuwertje Bravenboer

Broiler

Sander Lange (29) is at the event for a second time. He wasn’t that cheerful about dating apps. « All that swiping, the meat choosing. Such an event is a lot nicer. You talk to people, how their vibe is, their personality; you immediately get a completely different kind of impression on a dating app. »

He already had a few nice conversations in the mid -evening. “I am there with one open mind in. In any case, I will just have a nice evening. It is now especially nice chat and getting to know people. « 

Association teacher Tila Pronk of Tilburg University is researching all phases of love. « The search for love and how we get relationships has changed revolutionary. » Certainly since Tinder, in 2012, the number of online meetings has increased enormously. American research shows that in 2024 about 60 percent of heterosexual couples met online.

According to Pronk, the fact that people quickly grab dating apps is because there is an increasing discomfort to approach each other in real life. According to the relationship scientist, there are various reasons for this. During the Corona Pandemie you were, quite literally, kept away from each other. There was much less contact possible and that continued in the period after. It also plays a role that people doubt whether they can flirt with someone or that there is a risk that they will see it as cross -border.

Pronk: « We have to look for how we can and can flirt in this time. The key word is of course consent. » The most important thing, she explains, is to first make eye contact. With that you can feel whether that person is open to a chat. « If there is no contact, you leave someone alone. But if you do have it, it doesn’t immediately give a license. You can ask: do you find it okay when I sit next to you? Or: Do you feel like a chat? »

She also sees that there is increasingly dissatisfaction with online dating and that people are looking for ‘real’ contact. « But that is really not easy. It is also good to realize that. If you don’t know how to tackle it: you’re not alone. « 

‘It’s not a Tinder here’

At the beginning of the evening the men and women are still chatting somewhat awkward apart. The women look for each other, the men too. But after the introduction, when the first game has started, it goes fast. The dates soon seem animated. After 9 minutes of dating follows a 3 -minute break. After the seven dates, they can each hand out a maximum of five likes. « We are not going to swipe endlessly, » says El Fellah about that maximum to the singles. « It’s not Tinder here. »

On average there are around fifteen matches per evening. « Men give on average twice as many likes as women, » says El Fellah. « We also see that men come back more often than women, but women are more inclined to come to an evening faster at all. And I hear from them that they come to us, and that is very sweet, the true looking for them. »

El Fellah has not been on dating apps for a long time. « I can no longer imagine that I would go on it. » He used to be completely unpacked on the first date. « I wanted to do something vets, such as horse riding. I did quite strange things. That way you had a nice day, whether or not you liked the person. » He wants to encourage people to make more contact in real life. « You should not need this event for that. »

Love coach Ingrid Bearda is also present at the evening. Recently, participants in tortments can discuss in advance at what things they run into when dating. “One indicated, for example, quickly in the friend zone To end up and wondered how you can flirt. I then coach them: what are your strengths, what is your strength and what can you bring? ” People are generally looking for someone they feel safe, says Bearda.

After a few dates, the singles get a somewhat longer break. One orders a drink, still chats with a date or comes for a moment by scrolling on his phone. Simon Giesen (31) is at the event for the second time. « The games are a fun way to break the ice, » he says. « I am someone who is not so of platforms such as Tinder or Bumble. I find it much more fun to connect immediately to the person sitting opposite you. »

What he took from his first time is that you can have a nice conversation about the most bizarre subjects. For example, there is a game in which a pine cone came up. « And then it turned out that we both grew up with a very large tree in the garden. Those were nice memories that we could collect. »

Clear image

Relationship scientist Pronk sees that people can really get in their way in their search. « They already have a clear image of their future partner. The classic lists, encouraged by apps where you can set filters. This sabotages your search. »

What also plays a role is that people think they should feel a spark immediately when they meet someone. Attraction can grow, says Pronk. “So if you don’t immediately Blown Away Are, then that person can still be a partner for you who will find Supersexy and attractive. ”

In the search for love, the method should also be fun again, says Pronk. She is therefore enthusiastic about new initiatives such as torting. « Especially the online dating is very focused on results. You want a partner and you are busy with a very annoying search game. » Offline date initiatives make it less loaded, thinks Pronk.

At the end of the evening, the singles are encouraged to hand out compliments. Everyone then goes home with an envelope containing a few nice words. Merel Dang (31) has put some compliments in the envelopes. She too was « a little swipe tired. » She wanted to get back into the flow of dating and she found the evening a little less static than other speed date events where she has been. « Normally you sit and talk to each other for three minutes. And sometimes three minutes is for too long. You have men sitting opposite you who are a bit shy or do not really dare to talk. And then you are very uncomfortable. And here you couldn’t, because you have those games. »

She has had very different conversations tonight, she says. « Someone said that he had viewed a house and wanted to make a bid because of the ceiling. And with someone else I talked about paramotors. Normally you quickly fall into questions about age or work. »

Dating apps will continue to exist, Pronk suspects. « And that is good. It is also a solution. For people who are not heterosexual, for example, there are many more options to meet people online. » But an app can be a springboard to meet each other in real life. « Only then do you really know if there is interest. And I don’t mean a spark immediately, but curiosity to get to know each other better. »

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