‘My son, recovering from cancer, lives unhealthy’

Mother: “My resident son of 22 is recovering from a serious form of cancer. The doctors have said that he should live healthy, better stop smoking, drink moderate, that drinking is better, and that exercising is very good. My son knows that too little red meat is better. to live healthy and how do I respond when I see him so unhealthy? « 

Positive guidance

Saskia Pluijm: “Science shows that healthy living after cancer treatment can reduce the chance of health problems, and improve the quality of life. That is important information, and it has been communicated to your son. He has already announced that he has received that information. So you no longer have to do that, you can let go.

« You could ask him: » As you know, healthy living is important. Are you motivated to change your lifestyle?  » If he says ‘yes’, you can ask: « Would you like to have guidance in that? » There are lifestyle coaches who have had cancer to live with your son, such as exercising with friends once a week.

« If your son says he is not motivated, feel it. It is understandable that as a student after this time in the hospital he wants to pick up normal life again. Show understanding: » I also understand that you would like to have fun with your friends. That is also important. « 

« What you can do is set a good example. For example, healthy cooking when he comes to eat. Moderate or not drinking at all, especially if your son is in the area, not smoking, and exercising yourself. »

Mentor

Alied van der Aa: “As a young adult you are developing your identity at this age. Who is I, what suits me, what do I think is important? That development process has come under pressure in your son.

« From the birth of your child to maturity, your role shifts as a parent: caring, guiding, supervising, being a mentor. In some areas you suddenly became the caregiver again. Now that your son has finished treatment, you spread back to the ratio that is appropriate.

« Your son has been unable to do little for months because of his oncological treatment. Now that this is over, to be genuinely curious how this phase is for him. What did he miss? You can ask him what considerations he makes about healthy living, and whether you can mean something to him. Could his friends support him in a moderate lifestyle, and how could he ask?

« Also take time to see how you are doing. Parents feel powerless when their child gets so sick. Perhaps your concern about his lifestyle is also a way to get a grip on the powerlessness you experience? »

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