Men remembers first love than women
The first love of our lives is very new, special and exciting. An unexpected experience and experience we have not felt before, so we experience very intensely and deeply – in many cases, even if the reality shows something different. Because first love is not the truthful love: just the attempts of two young people, which we think about with paralyzing, zigzag memories.
However, after decades, we may feel madly perfect for our high school dance. Whatever the case, it is certain that everyone remembers the first love much more lively than our other relationships. But what makes this love so lasting in our memories? Why do we think about it for years, decades, why never let it go? Dorottya Vásárhelyi We talked to a psychologist.
First loves are rarely the last loves of our lives. The main reason for this is that the strength of emotions and future plans and ideas are not the same – and in the absence of experience, it is difficult to balance the two. This often leads to a dramatic end, which typically has more relationships in our lives. Some last (or even for decades, or forever) for a short period of time, but not all of them remember with the same high intensity.
If we were to stop anyone on the street, everyone from the college girl to the elderly uncle could revive their first love. According to experts, the first experiences (first kiss, first sex, first car, first job, including first love) take a prominent place in our hearts and show a direction on the given plane of our lives that will always be a basic standard in our lives. For example, based on relationship schemes, first love is what we will compare to any additional relationship.
« The first lovers happen mostly in teenagers or young adulthood, when we typically translate more focuses on the partner. In this case, the personality is overwhelmed with different developments and formations: we are not fully autonomous, mature adults that favor symbiosis, fall in love. Love seems to be intense.
The experience of first love is therefore necessary in everyone’s life, absolutely intense and deep, personality -shaping power« Says the psychologist expert.
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Also affects the couple choice
Whether it is positively or negatively, the physical and mental processes experienced and experienced there are scheme-like affect our personality. They add, shape and shape, which is an impact on our vision, including our future. You can even determine our later couple choices, which is not a rare phenomenon.
According to psychologist Dorottya Vásárhelyi, we choose a similar party quite often (or at least someone who reminds us of many things) because we want to re -live the experiences and feelings we are with our first couple. There are times when this happens in a conscious way, but most of the time the individual does not even notice it. Perhaps the only thing is that his heart is drawn to a familiar feeling, which is associated with some inexplicable reason.
Interestingly, this also comes from the parent-child relationship, as people first come across the form of love: the situations, forms of communication and feelings they live here will be in the first relationship, and the first love in the next-and so on. “At first, the choice of couple is less conscious: we are attracted to someone who is familiar to us from somewhere, to whom we are unconscious or make us feel like we have experienced.
With whom we can live in some way in the family, the safe symbiosis of the parent-child relationship. But if the situation was like that, we begin to attract people who can get and experience similar injuries and traumas like what we have received from our family in the past. ” So it has a huge role to play a for trauma processing In the functioning of successful relationships – but even in choosing a party to create a healthy, happy symbiosis at all; succeed in the first love or first human attachment.
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Unconsciously, based on family patterns
« Most people feel that their affection is fateful when they fall in love, they are not controlled by them – and most of the time. Still, in my experience, patterns and schema repetitions are very often present in the formation of couples and relationships. » So there is a good chance that our first relationship will follow the pattern that we first saw, but with this addictive You only have to count until we consciously recognize and quit it.
If, on the other hand, this recognition does not happen, it is common for us to have a couple after our first love as he was. Unfortunately, this is also for family patterns, experiences, traumalike all forms of adherence in general. “If we were emotionally accessible parents and we are safely attached, even our first couple choice can lead to a harmonious, lifelong relationship. However, this is less and less encountered.
In my experience, unfortunately, many people are stuck in the subconscious schema chemistry; to choose the same (or at least very similar) partner, so their past injuries are constantly repeated« Says the psychologist expert, adding that this can be exceeded with this actual awareness. “Our choice can be much more conscious if we can close and leave our past behind us. If trauma processing occurs, we no longer choose a party on our previous schemes, but based on our real emotional needs.
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Otherwise, the more trust and security we are attached to the other, and the healthier our own self -esteem, the less we guide our couple choice habits our previous spiritual wounds. ” According to psychologist Dorottya Vásárhelyi, men can typically mean more for women than women, because they are more likely to be suppressed by society.
“Due to the widespread macho beliefs, men only accept emotions, experience of gentleness when they are in love and live in a relationship. For this reason, it is possible that first love has much more meaning to us than for us women. After all, they can finally live the identity, the vulnerability and the liberation! Women can live these things outside of love. ”
However, there is no doubt that first love means a lot to everyone. Partly for spiritual reasons we have previously mentioned (nostalgia, schema repetition, family patterns, re -emotions) and partly for health and hormonal reasons. « During first love, we get a hormonal impact that feels intense happiness, acceptance and liberation. Love is like a drug: oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine cocktails.
These hormones and strong positive emotions leave us a deep impression that is always good to remember. And as time passes, memories are beautified: nostalgia may even further idealize the intense state of first love. ”
