Looking for a husband in his diploma thesis Orsolya Richolm gave herself a year
Richolm Orsi’s family patterns and behaviors reevaluate to understand his earlier relationships
Photo: Dia
Orsolya Richolm was designed for a unique experiment: she wants to find her husband in one year and records her attempts in fashionable blog posts in the early 2000s. However, his project is much more than a simple mate. Orsi also looks for the answer to how his relationships and family patterns have been shaped in his values and his relationship with men.
« In addition to trying to fix my relationship with men, this blog is like a final channeling of the many, accumulating feelings I have given to me by the family system I have grown up » Orsolya Richolm begins the answer to the question of asking that Mome’s Master’s Master’s Master’s training writes her diploma thesis that she wanted to find her husband in a year. The project has passed since the launch of the project, with Orsi not only richer with dating experience in more than half a year: Entering a loving relationship, he began to reevaluate his own values and his inherited behaviors that had so far prevented it from being fulfilled.
The boomer is thirties
“I’m a Boomer already as far as my attitude towards modern technology« He explains, laughing when I ask why he reached for a blog format that had come in the early 2000s to share » a lot » blog posts with the great. « The social media has always been scary to me: I would have felt discomfort to let go of this crazy feed, such as Instagram, for example. He explains.
As far as the idea is concerned, Orsi has been hesitant for a long time, what should be the subject of his master’s diploma. Although he wanted to create a short film at first, he realized after a while that he would force this format if the divine spark did not arrive. One time when the MOM Sports is in the infrared cabin, he tried to « get out of himself » an idea, saw an idea love partywho kissed wildly. « There was a curse in me: my heart let me in a desire to let another one. I immediately understood: it would be good to go back to the inner core that has always been characterized by which I can express my thoughts, feelings, stories. Not a long -term relationship, but I have had attempts so far! ” Orsi says of the hard -to -see divine spark.
Ourselves battles
- “I vibes with a twin couple and then I managed to write to the bad twin the next day”
- « A guy smiled at me today, but I didn’t feel pretty pretty enough to smile back »
- « At the Mitico Bar, I almost got close to a forward flirting (with a so-called flu) (has not responded to my IG messages ever since) »
As for previous relationships, attempts As for Orsi’s meat cherry, he talks about his experience so far on his blog, but the lessons are well beyond the 0419-love page. He said he had to realize that most of his (failed) choices could be traced back to his father’s unresolved issues.
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“I had to realize that my connections so far are not real, sincere lovers, since very often only I projected it to the other
What I wanted to see in it. This, in almost all cases, was about my invisible struggle with my father, rather than honestly accepting the other as it was. ” He says he adds that he has been stuck for a long time, for example, in a loving relationship and, although it has long been broken, to this day, his soul has an unequal connection, the love of love measured and staged in the pharmacy balance.
According to Orsi, he now sees realistically what has led so far: without saying decisive family patternl that you want to qualify your parents, « My dad was a loud, saying a narcissistic man who loved to be in the center of the company, the family. My mother (who was emotionally unattainable), and my brother were servers for this system. My father had the basic assumption that there are two kinds of people. I would like to explain everything in them, the other way around, if I did not « produce », my father immediately posted a loser, » He says about his childhood.
No wonder Orsi has so far daddy « Is the other interesting enough? » The question was best determined that at the beginning of his self -awareness (eight years for therapy), he was painful to face the fact that his father had selected among the boys based on his father’s « standard ».
« At the beginning of my twenties, I also produced signs of narcissism. I often humiliated the boys, played with them, and if I realized someone was not interesting enough, I alienated, cheated or left the person. I know the « method », of course, my father’s voice said: If this boy is not interesting, and I am with him, am I a loser? It was hard to become an empathetic person without being ruined! ” Orsi explains.
The healed narcissistic
Orsi has healed today as a narcissistic hallmarks. While eight years ago it was the most important for a man to be successful in the eyes of the outside world (hoping that he will be « qualified »), he is now looking for a sincere, deep connection.
« Because I was not exclaimed for the match that I love and accept my chosen as it is (I was clicking that I and he be interesting and cool) I was not able to connect. Attitude, but I think therapy finally made my feelings and desires to be bounced on a healthy connection, ” Orsi compares his twenties with the thirties.
When I ask how much the « age-para » is about, whether in terms of marriage or family, he responds thoughtfully. « Strange, but when I was a kid, I was convinced that I was going to die at the end of my twenties. I was so strongly present that when I crossed 25, I got a shock because I realized: I didn’t prepare for it! He explains about the age.
As far as marriage and family start-up factor is concerned, he said was never the kind of person who feels that he can enjoy himself in having children, and he needs it to express himself. « For a long time, I simply disgusted from family as an institution, just because I had bad experiences … I couldn’t believe that I could live and grow up in a normal, healthy family, » He explains.
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At the same time, he notes that his age group is now absolutely confident in his age, because his experience is that the thirties are doing a lot of work on self -knowledge and focusing on raising their children differently than their parents did. (Unlike the fifties and sixty age divisions you often feel about « As if they were afraid of being vulnerable by showing their » weak « side. »)
And if you fail?
Orsi doesn’t plan to fall into his sword even if he fails to find a husband in a year. « In the summer of 2025, on the one hand, I will be surprised to understand that I understand 32, and on the other hand, I think there is nothing to be unnecessary! Everything that adds a little to find and build it can never be bad! The other good side is that by then – I hope – I will be on the next staircase for the path of self -knowledge, which means if I meet a boy by then, I can better experience emotional security and love. ”
Orsi doesn’t even consider it devil that he will continue to do the story after graduation, but underline that, as always, he is trying to go after his heart and listen to his feelings. « If in July 2025 I feel like I never want to go around the blog again, I will choose a different way for self -expression. But if my viscera start to piss me from inside again, » Oh, Orsi should draw this situation damn « , I am sure I will not hinder it! »
A How I found … Project Facebook and Instagram It can also be tracked on pages!
