Late motherhood is another gift of life

-There are so many roles in your life: educator, landscape designer, mom, grandmother, wife … But let’s start with motherhood after 40. « Yes » or « no »?

– There is no one answer. When you can’t get pregnant for many years and a sudden smile is one. It’s quite different – when you were doing a career, you were traveling, you got older and finally realized that it’s time for a baby. This is also normal. But I did not happen to me or so. At the age of 43 and already having five children, I experienced an unexpected pregnancy against which I had a settled life, responsibilities and duties. It seemed like nothing was missing, we can finally live more freely and suddenly … New (laughs). This is where the great dilemma was to have or not, press or press that Restart button for the sixth time. In such a situation, the decision to give birth or not to give birth was even more complicated than, say, an unexpectedly pregnant minor.

– Were you at least the lowest chance of connecting your pregnancy?

– There was certainly no such thought – maybe more self -loathing, resentment, frustration that everything we had already lived with my husband suddenly collapsed instantly. I was sorry for myself, my life, my older children, who I realized would now have less attention. It was a pity that I could no longer travel (and the window was already opened – the kids were growing up). Literally, I was able to at first. I really didn’t feel much euphoria or joy.

– And then? How did emotions change?

– The first year was not easy either. When you are waiting for the first time, you go proudly rebuilding your belly, everyone is under the care of you. You may cry, complain of hormone jumps, but I wasn’t that. To compassion, I experienced some rejection of society: « guilty », « nobody was worthy », « chose » and so on. Of course, the family supported, understood, but the environment was not. Nor did he feel guilty about their older children. I was afraid there would be no extra hands, patience for grandchildren. I have three of them today! The feeling was as if anyone ordered to interpret braids, get tied up, go and leave, because you are allegedly young now.

– But if God sent Mildut, did you need it? Don’t think?

– The mind spoke one, emotions – something else. I remember when I went to the pharmacy to buy vitamins for pregnant women, so for the first time I couldn’t say I needed them. I said to my daughter. When Milda was born, there were two younger children at home. One son studied in the higher class and the other in the original. We had a beautiful tradition to lunch at one table. When the little one was born, everything turned upside down. The brothers came back from school and I « tsh! » and « Tsh! ». After all, the child is asleep. Therefore, I sent them with food to their rooms so that the rattling dishes would not wake up the baby.

Sambūvis: Jurgita does not hide – the young daughter Milda is jealous of her grandchildren’s attention, but her love is enough for everyone. / Photo by J. Sėjūnaitė’s Personal Archive, « Photo/Salion of Oak »

– Today you enjoy Mildutė’s wisdom, wisdom, and all that your daughter gives you every day.

– When I look back, I see that I was doing what I needed at the time and I didn’t think too much. How do you say there? The dog and the war get used to it. But when Mildutė was about three or four, my life began to ease. Congenital illnesses were gradually retreating, and the day’s routine was easier. And when she was five, I remember sitting on a plane with my husband and talking that it would not be a shame to look at people. Therefore, today I apologize to everyone who traveled to us by plane until those five years (laughs) and we traveled quite a lot. We did not stop the rhythm and work of the previous life.

– Milda seven and she goes to first grade …

– Oh yes! Now is a man with an adult’s brain, and his lips speak all the truths of life that we as adults often forget. Everyday thanks to the universe for being there. I think Milda came to raise us and help us.

– Is it true what people say: young children are little trouble, big children – big troubles?

– True. I have a lot of big children and one teenager who will be sixteen in the fall. I only communicate with him now in OM state. Fortunately, I know it will end in two years. After all, it was with the elders.

– Maybe you would introduce your husband, children?

– Man, Giedrius Mocevičius, has his own business. I don’t really like to be in public. For his eldest daughter Gabriele – 30. As you can see, I started my daughter and finished my daughter. Four boys in the middle. And I have three grandchildren.

– How did the older children react when they learned that you were waiting for Mildutė?

– Sons – very restrained. And the daughter, to be honest, reacted in a fun way, « You, Mamule, still do it? » (hesitates). I realized that we look very old for the kids. Therefore, it is natural that I was ashamed to ride my child’s stroller when I had to ride my grandchild. This dilemma, as I said, was the biggest.

The result: Older children are replaced by Mildute for moms to be more lenient than them, and this is: « Instead, you grew up! » / Photo by J. Sėjūnaitė’s Personal Archive, « Oak Photo/ Salion »

– 30 years ago you had her first daughter Gabrielle. Now Mildutė. Two different generations. With which easier?

– Both advantages and disadvantages have both. It can be compared when children grow up and create their families. Only they can tell if my upbringing was correct. After all, when I was doing, I imagined I was doing what I could best. And, of course, how the « best » I understood.

The elders have said that I was very strict, demanding with them. There were really many rules in our family then. Otherwise, I think I would not have controlled them. And I didn’t have time to discuss what was caught and why one dog is taking two minutes and the other three and a half. Therefore, I was a leader, an absolute advocate of authoritarian rule. It used to be, « said, and you are doing! »

Each of my child had a variety of responsibilities by age and abilities. They did most of the work, and I just distributed those jobs. For example, when Gabriele was five, she was already looking after her little brothers, and I did the necessary work at the time. The eldest son had to arrange the toys, and the middle of it was quiet to sit quietly so as not to wake up the young man.

When I heard the children of my friends complaining that they had nothing to do, even anger was taking. My man did not dare even wake up about it: they always had their jobs.

– Children born like your Mildutė are attributed to the alpha generation. Is it true that I didn’t call them?

– Really. If they were, they were doing, and they must provide these argumentated evidence, justify their requests, motivate. In addition, motivation systems need to be replaced frequently as the same does not work. These children are very aware of their rights and want adults not to violate them.

What more did I get when Mildute was born? Maybe patience. And the realization that the time will come (about the 20s of the children) when they can be talked to as adults. The elders often complain to me that I treat Mildute more than them, and I replicate, « Instead, you grew up! » It is not known what young people will get up when the upbringing is looser. If God gives and live for a long time, I will be able to compare both « commander » (hesitates).

The family supported, realized, but the environment was not. Nor did he feel guilty about their older children. I was afraid there would be no extra hands, patience for grandchildren.

– There is a three -year difference between Mildutė and your grandchildren. How do you feel both mom and grandmother? Do these roles sometimes intertwine, or are you trying to distinguish them?

– I am in favor of raising children not by grandparents but by parents. Therefore, I do not raise grandchildren – I just love them. This means that I do more and I do not respond to much. Of course, there are certain boundaries, but let’s be « bad » parents, not grandparents.

– Do you pamper your grandchildren?

– I can’t say I pamper: I just close my eyes to a lot of things they do. Perhaps this is why Milda’s relationship with them is very sharp. The last time I took me very seriously, « Why do you talk to them so gently? Don’t you love me? » I tried to explain that she was wrong and that I love her very much, but I saw that jealousy was deeply rooted. Therefore, Milda, when grandchildren arrive, close their room or sit on my knees, have a hand -wrapped neck, and require absolute attention.

– Can you understand it?

– When grandchildren come to grandparents, they seem to be able to take and use everything. And Milda with Aischi has his own territories, things … So there are quite a few grandchildren and children’s conflicts.

– You are not only a mom, a grandmother, but also a businesswoman. You mentioned that today you love the gardener. You are organizing landscaping seminars, advising people how to cozy and tastefully organize the environment and care for plants. But horticulture is far from your first business?

– And not the first sciences I studied while raising children. With each of them, there was a new phase of retraining. I coordinated all my activities to the marital status at the time. My first education is pedagogical, I was a teacher of Lithuanian language and literature. But then I had a million activities. There was a knitting salon-but and event organization, because after all pregnancies I really wanted to go out to people and spit out. With a fifth child, we moved from the capital to live in Trakai. Then the wave of naturalism flooded. In the farm building, I started making natural cosmetics Ambrosia. Now, the environment is planted.

Photo by J. Sėjūnaitė’s Personal Archive, « Photo/Salion of Oak »

– Have you moved outside the city to be closer to nature – that children can breathe in the air?

– Not quite. When more children came up, the dog appeared, we started thinking about a larger area, more rooms. In addition, our work with my husband was home all the time. In Vilnius, we just didn’t buy a bigger house with seven rooms that would be enough for everyone.

– Why did you come up with a landscape specialist? Need to beautify your environment?

– Kovid guilty. I again managed to adapt to the situation. Then I graduated from gardeners’ studies. In a word, when something happens in life, I look at it as a new chance. Friends speculate that we will probably never sell this house in Trakai. Why? – I tell them. If there was another worthy challenge of attention, I would have boldly moved to another place that I believe would dictate other decisions. I am certainly not afraid to change the profession again, to retrain. The change, in my head, is always fine. Then you are in the flow: you do not stand, you do not start.

– You mentioned that when the children grow up, you started traveling. The birth of Mildutė was not interrupted …

– With the birth of Milda, bigger traveling began, as the loan and work were restricted until then. With the eight -month Milda, we went to dive and ski. We mixed the whole of Europe. And now we are trying to leave at least four to five times a year, because travel is the great meal of our family. Then there is no urgency, computers, phones and we can look at each other in the eye. Whenever possible, we always travel. No matter where – even in the forest.

– What other hobbies bring together your family?

– We were forgotten, but the son offered to recover this tradition – to celebrate the family on Sunday. Everyone we can, on Sunday we come into a pile and do something.

– There are those who say that raising children these days is very expensive. But you have grown six!

– Parents unnecessarily think that if you can’t give Harvard or luxury circles, it is better not to give birth at all. We make too many high cartels ourselves and imagine that if not, it is bad parents. Disagree! I know from my experience that he can offer a child what is best, but if he does not want, he will not do it. And if there is a desire, motivation, fair upbringing – the child will not only receive a scholarship, but will also help parents.

Life is unpredictable and often the plans created in our heads do not work completely. I have a number of examples when parents raised children who have reached many life without much finance. After all, it is full of free circles, activities that can be done without money. I say: If you can’t fly to Thailand, then go for a hiking march through Lithuania.