I also want to be an influencer

The first influencer in history was Socrates (the other). The philosopher walked the streets to teach youth and discuss ideas with people. That is, Socrates was influenced the behavior of the Athenians. These days, the influence of influencer has been relegated, and philosophers have given way to steps, imbeciles and criminals.
Now it is to try to return the lost dignity to this noble activity that I will become an influencer. However, I do not intend to influence adolescents, but public figures through selective videos on Tiktok.
For Luís Montenegro: I will explain to you that the second part of the proverb ‘who tells a tale, adds a point’ cannot be transformed into ‘omit contract’ or ‘omites euros’.
For Pedro Nuno Santos: I will teach you how to manage taxpayer money. Take a calculator and divide the 3.2 billion euros that injected in TAP for health, education, housing and other needs of the Portuguese.
To the deputies of the arrival: I will give you a course on how to collect bags at airports, distinguishing our from others; How to proceed if this attempt to distinguish fail; And how to try to guess the contents of the bags of others before it takes them home if the previous procedure is ignored.
To liberals: I will teach you how, after defending fracturing and wokist causes, avoid being cheaty to the point of no longer knowing whether they are in IL or BE.
Rui Tavares: I will give you tips on how to disguise better social democrat, hiding the tail of the communist cat that wants to get out of the NATO and subscribes to the political program of the PCP and the BE.
To Paulo Raimundo: When they ask you again if you support the invasion of Ukraine, combine Orwell with the Monty Python, and say « Peace is War, War is Peace, War and Peace, Leon Tolstoi, Leon Trotsky, wide democratic freedoms and no longer bored! »
For Professor Boaventura Sousa Santos: With an inflatable doll disguised as a CES researcher, I will exemplify how to touches the body of a woman who, instead of beads, will be considered ayurvedic massages; And how to send pyropos that, instead of harassment, will be a reinforcement of female self -esteem. And if this doesn’t work in Portugal, in India it works for sure.
For Eva Rapdiva: Having, in one of the highest moments of Portuguese music, sung the verses «I have shit for the war in Ukraine. These guys who kill each other as we killed ourselves », I suggest you read the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, take a empathy course and take tea.
And after having influenced the main actors of national politics, I will form the best prepared generation of always selling my mother by a smartphone making pedagogical videos of meow kittens, people giving trambolhões and Javard to take Cathotas out of their nose.

Writer