« How do we help make a 14-year-old friends? »

Stepvader: “My 14-year-old stepdaughter was diagnosed with a language development disorder (TOS) seven years ago. When she feels safe, she talks a lot, although she often searches for the right words. She quickly closes and finds hardly words outside of the familiar environment. She was sitting there and had a special time on voordo. Well, she has hardly tried to find the motivation outside of school. ends up in social isolation. « 

Develop self -acceptance

Ellen Gerrits: “Before making friendship, language is very important. The problem at TOS is that it is difficult to get on words, and often not the right sentences. People you don’t know, then soon think that you are stupid.

« Imagine your stepdaughter to follow one of the special social-emotional skills training for young people with TOS. Organizations such as Auris and Kentalis offer training courses in which teenagers with TOS learn to communicate more self-assured. They often also make friends there. Together also look at Speech Same, the association for and by young people with a language development disorder.

« What does your stepdaughter find especially difficult? What would they like to learn? Some young people with TOS are looking for strategies to better communicate on football training, others at parties. The one has been helped with exercises for one-to-one contact, the other wants to learn to stand in groups. There is now a lot of specific guidance for this.

« I understand that your daughter says, » I want to be normal.  » But daring to tell others that she has this most and that she needs a little more time to understand the other

Seek recognition

Bernadette Sanders: “Many young people with TOS no longer want professional help after years of guidance. And yet that help is very important for your stepdaughter. Would it help her to know that she is certainly not the only one? Research shows that on average two of the thirty students per class have a language development disorder.

« At TOS, the brain is less able to process language. Children and young people with TOS experience serious communication problems. That also applies to your daughter. The social isolation that you fear is already experiencing. When mutual communication goes too fast and is not understood, students with TOS withdraw.

« Housing people with TOS can give a sense of recognition and understanding. The Stichting Sarndrots organizes meetings and activities for young people. Talking with experiential experts, for example through the Sharekracht Foundation, can certainly help for a more positive self -image.

« Pupils with TOS, including your daughter, often benefit from ‘psycho-education’ by a professional, such as a speech therapist. It helps when you know what your TOS means to you, what exactly is obstructing, and what your strengths are. Also involve the mentor of school.

« Many students I guided gave information to classmates or teachers about their problems. This created respect and they were taken seriously. »

Ellen Gerrits is professor of speech and language disorders at Utrecht University. Bernadette Sanders is an orthopedagogue and specialized in TOS. She wrote several books about language development disorders.