« Gray Divorce » – a new beginning for couples after 50 years

Fathers are more likely to lose contact with adult children after separation

The increased number of « gray divorces », or divorces between couples over 50, has become a global phenomenon that shapes family dynamics in unexpected ways.
Studies show that fathers are more likely to lose contact with their children after divorce, leaving long -term consequences for family relationships and emotional health.
The trend called « Gray Divorce » has been on the rise in recent decades, especially in Western countries, the United States, Canada and the UK. A study published in March 2024 analyzed data on 9,000 people, following the frequency of contact between parents and children, emotional connection and mutual support after divorce.
The results have clearly shown that fathers are often emotionally and physically moving away from their children, and experts say the main reason for this phenomenon lies in the social and emotional role of mothers:
« Mothers are often the main guardians and maintain contact with their children. When marriage is over, mothers find it easier to maintain ties, while fathers withdraw because of a sense of guilt or social stigma, » Zafer Bujkeci of the Deli Max Institute told the Daily Mail. « Fathers tend to experience more pressure after divorce in parent-child relationships compared to mothers, » he adds.
Fathers, especially in later years, face emotional challenges such as a sense of failure or fear of rejection.
« Men often do not learn how to express emotions or build relationships outside the traditional role of a nourisher. After the divorce, they lose the structure they had previously had, which moves them away from the family, » explains Dr. Judith Walerstein, a well-known American psychotherapist and study author.
« Gray divorce » is not only the end of marriage but also the beginning of complex changes that affect the whole family and can be particularly financial catastrophic for women. Studies show that women’s income generally decreases to 40 percent in the year after divorce, while their standard of living decreases by 45 percent. Men’s financial drop is usually less serious and is about 21 percent.
Although many believe that adult children deal with their parents’ divorce, reality is often different. Losing close contact with the father can often cause feelings of sadness, loss and alienation.
British therapist Dr. Steven M. Johnson, author of a book of family psychology, notes: « Children, even when they are adults, want parental support and presence. The alienation of the father after ‘gray divorce’ can cause a sense of emotional emptiness that lasts for years, no matter how old the child is. »
One of the participants in the study, 34-year-old James from London, shared his experience: « After my parents divorced, my father stopped calling me. I assumed it was ashamed, but for me it was like a rejection. Our relationship never returned to normal. »

« Men of this age often feel shame or failure because of divorce, which can further increase the gap between them and their children, » said Dr. Johnson.
To mitigate the consequences of « gray divorce », experts emphasize the importance of emotional openness and therapeutic support.
Dr. John Gottman, a well-known American psychologist and founder of the Gothman’s Institute of Marriage Therapy, has often emphasized that after the divorce, parents must actively invest in their relationships with their children.
« It is important to admit mistakes and show a desire to reconnect. Adult children want authenticity, not perfection. It is especially true for fathers. Older fathers can restore relationship with their children if they show initiative and readiness to change, » he said.
Therapists also suggest joint work through family therapy to restore communication. Dr. Terry Ril, a family psychotherapist in Boston, states: « Older fathers should overcome traditional barriers of masculinity and openly talk to their adult children. It is not a sign of weakness, but in force. »