Exchange the gifts to the hug. What does a child need after a divorce?

To ensure emotional security

Children’s Rights Defender Ugne Klinger says that a much better gift in such a difficult period is time and security.

« Divorce can become the beginning of change, but they do not have to end the end of the child’s relationship with their parents. Even divorced parents can create a healthy, safe environment for a growing child, » says Klingre.

Divorce brings a great deal of confusion to the child’s life. Therefore, the main purpose of parents is to ensure the child’s emotional security, to allow him to feel loved, understood.

« This period when the structure of the family changes is very sensitive, so every parent’s action and word are important when communicating with the child, » he emphasizes the child’s rights defender.

Even when the couple’s relationship breaks, parenting continues. If both parents remain active in their child’s life, cooperate and support respectful communication, the child feels safer and more easily experiences changes in change.

« The child needs a clear knowledge that he is loved and important to both of his parents. This means that he has to feel welcome, understood and appreciated by both moms and dad’s home, » says U. Klinger.

Even if former partners do not escape tension in relationships, their behavior should not become a burden on the child. During sensitive periods, it is important to talk calmly, avoid accusations, and make decisions about the child’s benefit not to himself, but to him.

Fire Klinger / Photo by Personal Archive

The attention of parents is important

Sometimes, parents, trying to compensate for the child’s stress, negative emotions, and maybe lack of attention, buy gifts, offer exclusive entertainment and as if they compete with each other, which is better. However, child rights defenders note that such gestures do not help the child deal with emotions. U. Klinger reminds her parents that it is much more important than material gifts – time together, family connection strengthening.

« Better to spend gift money on joint activities. Another important thing is not to try to change the child’s daily routine, because it is already changing. So probably the best we can do is to keep as much stability as possible. This means that even a parent who lives separately should try not only to buy expensive items. a feeling, ”advises the defender of the child’s rights.

The specialist emphasizes that one of the most important tasks of parents is support for the child to encourage relationships with both parents.

« The child has the right to communicate with both parents if there are no objective reasons that would limit it, such as threats to his safety, » says the interviewer.

Divorce may become the beginning of change, but they do not have to mean the end of the child’s relationship with the parents. Even divorced parents can create a healthy, safe environment for a growing child.

Where to find help

Divorce is not the end of a relationship in the child’s life, but a new stage in the family. So although this time is painful, that does not mean that it will become traumatic experience. Parents’ responsibility is to help the child name feelings, talk, listen, be around.

Of course, it is difficult to guess how the child will respond to their parents’ divorce. Sometimes you have to deal with the child’s anger, self -accusation, and sometimes with indifference and self -confluence. However, it is possible to prepare for this period by delving deeper into the needs of the child, age and emotional maturity, ensuring a safe environment where the child may feel heard.

If parents’ efforts are not enough, it is always possible to seek the help of specialists. « We advise you to contact qualified family psychologists. Of course, our service can advise, help, explain how everyone survive the divorce without much damage, » says Klinger, a child rights defender.

Situation: Parents must be like a team and even in the event of a conflict to keep in mind that the most important thing is not to emotionally not to hurt their child. / Photo by Freepik.com

How to report divorce

* Larisa Paurienė, a child rights defender, asserts that it is very important to pay attention to his or her age before reporting about divorce. For young children, up to about six years old, it is important to speak in a simple and clear way, avoiding excess information. They may often feel anxious about their safety, so it is necessary to assure that both parents will love them and take care of them despite their divorce.

* Older children and adolescents need more details and the ability to express their feelings. It is important to be open, but at the same time try not to blame one parent and avoid conflicts. Adolescents or almost adult young people can speak even more openly, explaining the causes and discussing future changes in the family.

* Guess how a child will respond to parental divorce is almost impossible. Often, parents who wait for tears face indifference, and when they expect understanding, they get a burst of anger. The child’s reaction depends greatly on his or her age and emotional maturity. Young children often react with fear or disorder, can become sticky or begin to behave abnormally. Children going to kindergarten or primary school sometimes feel guilty, believing that they are the cause of divorce.

* Adolescents may react with anger, rebellion or alienation, but sometimes they try to hide their feelings to protect their parents. There are unexpected reactions, such as a complete indifference that can be a temporary protective mechanism. Although it is impossible to fully anticipate the child’s reaction, it is possible to prepare for the child’s needs, age and emotional maturity, as well as ensuring a safe environment where the child may feel heard.

* Sometimes parents speak without thinking about words or convey the situation chaotically, causing even more anxiety to the child. Another mistake is the attempt to accuse one parent because it makes the child feel involved in the conflict or choose the side of one parent. It is also dangerous to report a message of divorce in a hurry or regardless of the child’s needs – for example, in the wrong time or in circumstances, when a child feels great stress.

* Parents sometimes do not give their child the opportunity to ask questions or express their feelings because they themselves are emotionally influenced by situations. Parents must be as a team and even in the event of a conflict to keep in mind that the most important thing is not to emotionally not to hurt their child.

* When notifying the divorce, it is necessary to maintain the child, whatever his or her reaction may be. It is necessary to speak calmly and clearly, emphasizing that the love of his parents will not change to him. Parents should be ready to listen and support, as well as give the child time to adapt to a new situation. By avoiding rush, accusations, parents can help reduce the knowledge of divorce and maintain a close relationship with their child.