Do you suppress your sexuality – answer the questions and discover
Education in a strictly religious environment often leaves deep marks on sexuality – especially when he learns from a moving away that sex is something dirty, shameful or sinful. Many women and men only realize in adulthood that their sexual discomfort, fear or loss of libido do not occur « for no reason », but that they are a consequence of the belief they internalized as children.
Three different people – two women and one man – they told their experiences, revealing that religion had moved them away from their own body and pleasure. Their stories open up space for understanding a quiet but deep -rooted sexual repression that still exists in many societies.
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She slept with Dad’s friend
Julie, 45: « I was afraid of sex because I believed that God was watching me »
Julie grew up with strict Christian principles and attended the Anglican school. From an early age, she felt deeply guilty of her own sexuality.
« I was convinced that God saw everything I do and I think – and that is why I have to be ashamed, » she said. « Once I was rubbing myself as a girl on the back of the couch, and my mom sharply crossed me. When I touched myself in bed that night, I was pleasing – but I was immediately overwhelmed by the thought that all my deceased relatives were watching and condemning me. »
The fear that she was not « good enough » her partner followed her in adulthood. Although she married, she could not have an orgasm for years or relaxed in a sexual intercourse. Sex became a burden and the object of avoidance, until her husband faced her with ultimatum – sex or divorce.
« For the first time, I told him then about my fear, the feeling that God was still looking at me. He thought I was kidding – until he realized how much it actually shaped me. »
Therapy helped her gradually break down a sense of shame and discover her own pleasure. Today, she is openly talking about how sad she is to lose so many years of her own sexuality.
Kirsty, 37: « The fault hung above the bed like a cloud »
Kirsty grew up in a strictly Catholic family and attended an equally strict school. Sex before marriage was a mortal sin, and complacency – something « disgusting ».
« Everything revolved around control – how to think, how to feel, how to behave. I learned that a woman should suffer sex for giving birth to children, not for pleasure, » he recalls.
She first had sex at 25, with her boyfriend from the church. It was, he says, an unpleasant and impersonal act – more from a sense of duty than desire. The fault of them both paralyzed them.
Years later, only with the help of a therapy and a partner who was full of understanding did she learn to remain « present » in her own body. Through meditation and gentle communication, she again discovered sexual pleasure.
« I enjoy sex today. Still, sometimes in the most intimate moments I am still being haunted by the voice of a former teacher from school – ‘Look, you are disgusting’. But now at least I know that voice is not mine. »
She decided to do her daughter differently: « She will not grow up in fear of men, nor will she think that pleasure is something that has to be ashamed. »
Stephen, 24: « I intuitively know that they lied to me – but shame still exists »
Stephen grew up in the heart of the American so -called. Bible Belta, where faith permeated every aspect of life. In his home, sex was mentioned only as a sin, and the women who practiced him before marriage were called derogatory names.
« They told me that a kiss could make you your father – or that you would end depressed if you had sex out of marriage, » he says.
Although intellectually distanced himself from these beliefs, he has not yet been able to escape emotionally from them. He lives in London today but never had sexual intercourse.
« I feel like I need a ‘reset’. I know all that they told me is not true, but whenever I think of sex – I become anxious or angry. »
He hopes to relate to a person who would understand his background and help him slowly overcome the barriers. Until then, it seeks to decode its own sexuality – layer by layer, without compulsion.
Sexual repression is not a thing of the past – it is still a part of the reality of many people, especially those who grew up in the environments where the control tool for control. These stories do not only talk about sex – but about freedom, identity and possibilities to learn to be gentle to our own body again, writes Daily Mail.
Do you suppress your sexuality?
If you answer most of these claims, you may suppress your sexuality:
- Your parents told you that sex was « dirty » and bad.
- Sex is uncomfortable and it doesn’t bring you pleasure.
- The very thought of sex causes shame or discomfort, not excitement.
- You have no sexual fantasy or feel guilty about them – especially if they are not « allowed ».
- You love your partner, but you hardly enjoy sex with him.
- You don’t masturbate or feel guilty when you do it.
- When you feel a sexual desire, you also feel disgusting about yourself.
- You don’t like to talk about sex or watch sex scenes in movies.
- The very thought of having sex causes you anxiety and fear.
- You have never experienced an orgasm.
- You don’t like to watch your naked body.
Does not mean that you suppress sexuality if:
- You do not want to experiment with certain sexual activities such as bonding or anal sex.
- Sex is only important to you within a dedicated relationship.
- You only had one or several sexual partners.
- You want to wait until you get to know someone better.
- Your sex drive is naturally low.
3 Easy ways to get rid of negative beliefs about sex
Small changes can make a big difference.
1. Surround yourself with people who have a positive attitude toward sex
Friends are excellent allies in breaking prejudice. Share with them messages and condemnation of sex you heard or adopted while growing up. Talk about it openly. You will also hear their experiences and stories that have been imposed on them – and so it will be easier to normalize your own relationship to sexuality.
2. Get to know and love your body
If sex is ashamed of you, you will hardly feel comfortable in your own body, especially when you are naked. Start with small steps. Watch yourself in front of the mirror, without condemnation. The goal is to watch – not to judge. Sleep naked. Write down the three things you like on your body, extend the list over time that your confidence grows.
3. Opinion of himself or himself
Face childhood beliefs from the perspective of a mature adult. Write down five negative beliefs about sex that were instilled in you as a child or teenager, for example: « Sex is dirty and bad. » Then ask yourself, « What do I mean today, based on my own experience? » You may conclude, « Sex is not bad. It’s a pleasant experience and a way of expressing love. »
