Christian Thiel has been advising singles and couples for over 20 years. He is the author of books, runs his podcast and organizes workshops and coaching sessions for people looking for a partner – Currently, for example, « basic course of love and partnership ». In his work on love, desire and lack of them, he repeatedly meets with similar questions: « Why does she criticize me? », « Why doesn't he want to have a child? ». He answers these other questions on his blog. And what is the problem that women are increasingly struggling with, i.e. a professional success conflicting with emotional life?
I travel a lot at work and I am very happy with it. But my partnerships usually fall apart after a short time. Do I be too successful for men, or do I expect too much if a man must adapt to the fact that I am not at home often?
This is the answer from the counselor advisor:
Women who achieve professional success have difficulty finding a partner – you've heard it many times. And that's true. There are two simple reasons for this. The first is related to the traditional choice that the vast majority of men and women want. Traditional means that a man earns more. And a woman less. I did not come up with this convention, but it is clear that it still applies to most men and women. That's why I take her seriously.
Looking for partneroften it happens that a woman does not want a man because he is lower than her in terms of status or income. Even more often it happens that a man feels uncomfortable in such a system.
« Uneven earnings are the cause of dissatisfaction »
All this has consequences to look for a partner: men who would like you are slightly less. You may have to look a little longer. This also has a different consequence: if you go against this convention, i.e. if you choose men who earn less than you and who have a lower status than you, then these partnerships, unfortunately, in many cases will not be stable. Of course, a man will not tell you: « You earn too much for me. » He will find other reasons. But this uneven earnings are a real cause of his dissatisfaction.
The second reason is more in the personal sphere. A woman who is successful is accustomed to the fact that everything is going on. She is accustomed to the fact that problems are solved if they are discussed long enough. This takes this approach to partner relationships. This is not a woman's specialty. Men do the same. But discussing difficulties in a relationship does not help us.
« As for emotions, the arguments are completely ineffective »
In this way, particularly well -educated and successful couples exert enormous pressure. The other person is to understand that everything is fine as you see it. But he needs something completely different: he must understand that he wanted to spend a nice and peaceful weekend with you. And this requires agreements and compromises. And so over and over again.
Of course, understanding is not a one -way street. Both partners need understanding. And both partners do not receive enough. Instead, arguments are threw in them. The arguments act when it comes to convincing minds. If we want to reach the emotional layer of the other person, the arguments are completely ineffective. The only thing that helps is more understanding. Sometimes it can also help your partner to spend more time at the weekend. What is the meaning of having a great job if you have almost no time for personal life, friends, sport, hobby and partner?
If you don't want it at all costs, you need to look for a partner who does the same as you. Someone who also likes to work on weekends. Then it just fits better.
The article was based on the translation of the text from Welt.de. Its author is Christian Thiel.
