Can I talk about my sex life at work?

Dilemma

You have had a great date, perhaps even great sex, and you come to work the next morning. What do you look, says one colleague. Why do you grin like that, the other asks. You would prefer to scream from the rooftops against your favorite colleagues. But whether that is so wise?

Work and private life are both a large part of your life. And sometimes they are hard to separate, especially if you have nice colleagues, who you can even call friends. But are these also the friends to whom you can tell date and sex adventures? Or do these topics not belong in the workplace? Not at the coffee maker, during the Christmas party and at the Vrijmibo in the pub?

Stay discreetly

Of course you can occasionally tell something personal to a colleague, says etiquette and image expert Anne-Marie van Leggelo (56). Certainly during the break, during a drink – « because during working hours it is actually just necessary to work » – or against a colleague with whom you are good friends. « You can never talk about work all day. We all stay people. » According to her, there is a life -size difference between sometimes telling something personal and just throw everything out.

Telling a friend’s birthday party, a fight with an uncle, a bad night due to too little sleep, there is really pretty much the border for Leggelo. Other, more intimate topics are a no-go in her etiquette booklet. Sex is certainly part of that. « Tell about a wild night? » Van Leggelo almost seems to choke. « No, that’s really not smart. »

Business etiquette trainer Lilian Woltering (56) can also be brief about it. Discretion in the workplace is a must. Moreover, many colleagues are not at all waiting for in -depth conversations about your private life. According to research by Top Employers Institute, only 18 percent of the Dutch 55+ people would deal with their colleagues as friends, compared to 32 percent of employees under the age of 35. « The current generation believes that everything should be possible in the workplace. They think they can wear what they want and say what they want, » says Woltering. And of course you can want to, or even do that, but according to her, that does not change the fact that there are still different rules at work than in your private life. « You can’t be 100 percent yourself at work. That is not bad. Not a shame either. That’s just how it is. »

Watch out for your colleagues

What if you do? If you tell about your umpteenth date in the month? Or about that you see someone else, next to your partner? « You can talk about your love life, but at the same time realize that colleagues, also friendly colleagues, are different from your ‘normal’ friends, ‘says Woltering. If all goes well, you have those friends forever. Colleagues not. For example, they can work somewhere else. « Suppose you become competitors? Then you still have to be able to stand behind your story. Because what if the other person decides to bump around that you have cheated on? »

Sharing personal information is actually something beautiful, even in the workplace, says psychologist and (career) coach Michelle Coenen (36). In practice, she also likes to tell about her private life in practice. « As colleagues, it brings you closer to each other, which only promotes cooperation. »

Yet they too would advise to fit with too personal stories. In certain organizations, such as at some law firms, she sees that people seem to go over and throw their colleagues under the bus without mercy. « It is a tough world where you really have to watch out who you tell what. »

She tells about one of her clients. A young woman, just new within a company. She was single and dated it nicely and was very open about this against her colleagues, especially that of her own age, who did not work there for that long. She saw them as equals, as a team. I can tell them, she thought. So every Monday she talked a lot about whom she had now ended up in bed at the weekend. Unfortunately, one of her colleagues told their supervisor. He called her on the mat and told that, because of her dissolute adventures, she did not fit the company. That’s how her trial period ended.

Very bad, thinks Coenen, and not according to the law. An employer may only discuss private matters when the private situation actually influences work performance. « But this just happens, » she says. « If you do not keep private and matters separate, you run the risk that others will not. »

She wish it was different. That employees would not have to fit their words in the workplace. That it doesn’t have to matter who you are and what you tell. But if things go wrong, you only have yourself with it. « It may feel that you are only yourself if you can tell everything openly to everyone. But you sometimes achieve the opposite. Because who still feels good when you are gossiped in the canteen? Who can still be himself when you are whispered about you at the coffee maker? » During working hours she just keeps her sex life for herself.

So

Your colleagues are not all samples, and one corporate culture is of course looser and freer than the other, but if you are better ‘Safe than sorry’ Wanting, don’t just put the creamy details of your love life open and exposed at the work agency. It is wise to be aware of what you want to share at work, who you trust and who does not, and what exciting stories you keep for your friends who did not meet in the workplace and will never come across there.

But of course you simply cannot attract that much of what all etiquette trainers and colleagues think of you.

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